SPECIAL REPORT: He-Man Travels Through Time Vortex

5 07 2009

Today, He-Man was spotted in the south during the 1920′s in Union Square.

He-Man in Victorian Times

Taking in the mysterious visitor with caution.

He-Man was walking around Union Square when he saw a glowing ember inside of his favorite bush. He slowly walked up, only to get sucked into an alternate dimension: the 1920′s in the south.

Pictured here is Jezebel and Jackson speaking with He-Man about their favorite new jazz artists.

Jackson and Jezebel were overwhelmed by He-Man’s raw power, as well as his Reeboks, both of which they have never experienced.





He-Man Opens Up For Phantom Planet @ Irving Plaza

29 06 2009

This week, He-Man was spotted hanging out in front of the legendary Irving Plaza.

DSCN0035

Scoping it out.

Apparently His band CyberNeck is opening up for pop favorite Phantom Planet soon. He-Man’s attempt at crossing over to rock and roll has been met with hesitant cynicism, but let me say if He can crush a guitar solo the same way he can a skull, well then sign me up.





SPECIAL WELLNESS REPORT: He-Man Turns Urban Jungle Into Fitness Center

16 06 2009

Today, He-Man was spotted working out on 23rd street. Not at the New York Sports Club, but rather at trendy new gym, Sidewalk.

He-Man of 23rd_02-1

Doing some reps.

Apparently He was invited to christen it’s brand new machines, including the “Construction Pull-Up Bars” and the “Really Heavy Trash Can Weights”. 

He was spotted by hunter Josh, who He gave a “thumbs up” to after completing his 80,000th pushup.

Meth23_050609_Bare-shirtedMuscle Man-1

After completing His work out, the gym is now open for free to all resident New Yorkers and visiting tourists.

 

If YOU have a He-Man sighting, send it to FindHeMan@Gmail.com!





FindHeMan featured in this week’s New York Observer

21 05 2009

This week, the New York Observer wrote an in depth article on He-Man and His fabled history, mentioning this site as an aid in His recent world-wide popularity. 

See the article here.

And keep hunting!





EXCLUSIVE STYLE TRAVESTY REPORT: American Apparel Snubs He-Man

30 04 2009

Today He-Man was spotted around NYU territory checking out summer fashions at American Apparel.

photo2

Without much experience shopping there, He wandered in because of his famous vows to purchase anything with “America” in the title. He currently owns every “America” the band vinyl, frequents theme park “Six Flags: America” and even bought a Kid Rock “American Badass” t-shirt, but later returned it because of the profanity.

He chose a few items of clothing and later tried them on. He left the dressing room with his head held low, seemingly ashamed. It appeared as though American Apparel’s high expectations for men and women’s bodies left him feeling self conscious about his muscle mass and 14-inch neck.

Accusations have been made to the designers of the store’s clothes about how the sizes are unrealistic for real people to fit in, especially those with giant, alien-like features.

He-Man was overheard complaining to a friend while leaving:

“I mean, you see those sexy models on the back of The Onion, and it makes you want to be sexy too. I just want to wear some leotards and long socks. Oh well.”

He then went to Pinkberry and ate his heart out.

I guess now we all know why he rarely ever wears a shirt.

If YOU have a He-Man sighting, send it along to FindHeMan@Gmail.com





He-Man’s Giant Muscles Make Venti Starbucks Cup Look Like A Tall

23 02 2009

This morning, He-Man was spotted walking out of Starbucks on 23rd and 3rd. It appeared He was handling a tall Starbucks cup.

BUT HE WASN’T.

img00168

 

Upon closer inspection by our team of photo analysts, He-Man is carrying a Venti size Starbucks cup. You see, His muscles are just so large and scary that in comparison, this giant Starbucks cup looks two sizes smaller.

Just take that cup in your mind and put it in the hand of that guy with a messenger bag behind Him. Looks bigger right? Right.

Also, we thought that was a mini cooper behind Him, but apparently that is in fact a bus.

If YOU have any He-Man sightings, send them to FindHeMan@Gmail.com!





BREAKING NEWS: He-Man Does Something Amazing Right…Behind That Blonde Lady

20 12 2008

In a miraculous and possibly earth-shattering move, He-Man today committed an act of bravery and courage…right behind that woman who is grabbing her knee for some reason.

photo42

Look at the-hey, get out of the way.

Bystanders were heard saying “Wow!”, “I can’t believe He’s doing that!”, and “Ohmygosh!”, leading us no insight to what exactly was going on except that it was simply amazing.

We did, however, come to find out that this woman’s name is Sheila and that they just left an Outback Steakhouse. They also don’t respond to the universal hand signal for “get out of the way, I’m trying to take a picture”.

At the end of whatever it was He did, He bowed and said, “Thank you everyone for watching me do that thing that you will never see me do again. Hopefully you have captured it clearly in your mind or with a device that preserves unobstructed images.”

And then He destroyed Sheila for eating innocent animals at Outback.

If YOU have a He-Man sighting, send it to FindHeMan@Gmail.com. Also for the best prices on high quality meat with a party atmosphere, head on over to http://www.OutbackSteakHouse.com.








Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.