He-Man Orders Roast Beef, Justice

27 07 2007

As of this morning, the Chicken T.B.M sandwich has lost its title as the most awe-inspiring object inside a Cosi sandwich shop. He-Man’s appearance at the Park Avenue café led to a dramatic scene that even caused the kitchen rats to reexamine their own existence. Shortly after 11, Cosi assistant manager and Baruch College junior, Roger Denton, confronted He-Man as he attempted to receive carrot sticks instead of chips with his Wasabi Roast Beef sandwich. Citing a “no shirt, no shoes, no service” policy, Denton aggressively demanded that He-Man should leave. However, after taking one glance into his piercing stare, the assistant manager fell to his knees and admitted to speeding away from a hit and run three years prior. While kissing He-Man’s feet, Denton revealed that he was responsible for the death of a mother of two, as well as her three-month-old puggle named “Fandango.”

Marge Raucher and her puggle Fandango

With out speaking a word, He-Man contacted the NYPD and our city’s heroes were on the scene with in minutes. Weeping, Denton was dragged from the overpriced sandwich shop, averting He-Man’s gaze whenever possible. Moments later, He-Man returned to the cashier and after delving deep into her eyes, he discovered that she was pure of heart. She smiled shyly and offered him his roast beef and carrots on the house. He-Man winked, causing the foundation of every building in lower-town to rumble.


A nervous patron calls home, while a curious spectator peaks through the glass

After consuming his meal with a mere thought, Gotham’s real bat-man continued on his way.


He-Man returns to his daily routine

[UPDATE: An early afternoon phone call to the office of “Find He-Man” revealed that the cashier’s bank account suddenly contains $7,500 more than yesterdays balance. HSBC informed the team at FindHM that this money appeared at precisely 11:24am, the exact moment He-Man completed that monumental wink.]




2 responses

2 08 2007

What language does he speak? Where is he from. What does his bathroom look like.

Up the anti.

16 08 2007

Does he-man collect action figures of himself and/or others? What’s his purpose in NYC? Will he be joining the Legion of Super Heroes?

So many questions … so little time!

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