Rare Sighting Shuts Down Time Square

5 08 2007

Yesterday, He-Man was spotted not in his usual enviroment, but rather a territory generally foreign to the ravashing beast: Time Square.

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Time Square, unprepared for a He-Man invasion

At around 1:53 PM, tourists and New York professionals began to sense something was coming. MTV VJ Stephen Colletti explains:

“I was getting all ready for TRL, you know, finalizing the count down and whatever. Then all of a sudden the ground was just…was shaking. I thought I was getting Punk’d again.”

Soon he realized, as did the rest of the heavily populated area, that this was no practical joke. A giant shadow appeared over the commercial stretch, causing panic and fear in the hearts of many out-of-towners.

“I was just leaving ‘Bubba Gump Shrimp’ when I decided to take a picture of my wife and kids,” Ohio resident Bill Sharp explained. “But then it got all dark. We didn’t know what was going on. We thought it was terrorists again.”

While the tourists feared doom, the locals knew what was happening. He-Man. Street vendors began closing up shop, the TKTS booth slammed down the metal shades and left Broadway deal-seekers to their own defense. One by one, every building and electronic billboard was shut off out of respect for this giant specimen, in hopes that his entrance and exit would be peaceful.

Silence rode over Time Square. Even the taxi drivers stayed put, creating a huge traffic jam going all the way back to 14th street. As He-Man turned the street corner and entered 42nd st and 7th avenue, hundreds of doves, bats, pigeons, and even eagles soared and flapped their wings over the long strip of now-halted capiltalism. He-Man was here.

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He-Man in Time Square, surrounded by obnoxious tourists.

As he passed Toys R Us, tourists came up to He-Man and began following him, in awe of his God-like demeanor. One person died at the sight of him, whom he immediately raised back to life.

Henry Miller, a promoter for the New York Comedy Club asked a passing He-Man if he “liked stand up comedy”. He-Man turned around, and responded, “Sure. Sure I like stand up comedy.” The young salesman then tied He-Man into a twenty-minute long sales-pitch, finally offering him two tickets at a “steal price of $20”. Angry that his time had been so recklessly wasted, He-Man lifted the college kid just trying to make a few dollars up by his neck, slammed him down, and then summoned his followers to feast upon the corpse of the late street salesman. An unsual outburst of violence, but let’s face it; he had it coming.

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Henry, minutes before his death, harassing passers-by.

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5 responses

5 08 2007
emily

hahahahahhaha
a promoter for new york comedy club asking him if he likes comedy
that kid didn’t know what he was getting himself into. he-man’s laughter produces lethal seismic waves because his vocal chords are the size of tectonic plates. DUH.
good pix.

14 08 2007
Whitty

Notice the sweatshirt which He-man has chosen today. When he wears such things it shows that he is uncomfortable in his settings. This means that even He-man fears Times Square and it’s slow paced tourists. He would prefer to just trample those that get in his path, and of course he does.

16 08 2007
Steve

Everyone knows traffic in Times Square on 7th and Broadway travels downtown. The traffic jam must have been north, not south.

16 08 2007
Find He-Man

Silly Steve.

If you knew anything, you’d know that unexplainable things happen wherever He-Man enters. Just the other day, he walked by the FindHeMan offices, and we all started speaking fluent Italian for the next hour. Strange things happen when He-Man is around, that’s something that everyone knows.

23 09 2007
Joe

Joe

Loved your blog. I am definitely bookmarking it.

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