He-Man: A Dangerous Troublemaker? Yes.

7 08 2007

whitepolitician.jpg

An editorial letter sent in from New York State Representative, Bob Gould

I have a family: beautiful wife and two little daughters. My youngest, Cindy, just learned her first word: HOPE.

DO YOU HAVE A FAMILY???

That’s right. The little darling lollipop’s first utterance of coherent language was hope. I was floored that a 2 year old could understand a concept so profound, but then I realized that hope is so simple, yet so precious. Just like my daughter Cindy.

LIFE IS PRECIOUS.

A lot of talk has been going around this beautiful, hopeful city about a a certain man. Now, he’s not a normal man just like you and me, he’s apparently “more” then the common man. Supposedly he’s “superior” to our species and has the ability to “destroy us” merely with his “superhuman abilities”. That’s right. The one everyone is calling “He-Man”.

Recently he’s gotten a lot of praise. This is falsely distributed. He-Man is, has been, and always will be nothing more then an ill-intentioned threat to our society. Just look at the way he dresses: shirtless with a black choker. Clearly he is defying the social norm of wearing shirts, making a statement about our structure and government right off the bat. And statements with such magnitude generate one dirty thing: anarchy.

SURE, I probably don’t know anything. HARVARD LAW SCHOOL is just an EXPENSIVE DUMP where you don’t learn anything. BEING ELECTED A U.S. REPRESENTATIVE is always a claim to HOW STUPID A PERSON IS. Clearly I’m BEING SARCASTIC TO PROVE A POINT.

He-Man is a menace and what he’s doing is wrong. Flat out. No ifs, ands, or maybes. The United States is a country that needs not any help in its defense department; we’ve got it covered. He-Man may help little old ladies cross the street and find lost puppies for tiny boys and girls, but who really takes care of you, America? Us. All He-Man does is take support and confidence away from the US Military at a point in time when they need it the most (God Bless Them).

So in the heightened popularity of a dirty, dark menace, I urge you, America, to listen to my little darling Cindy, and start showing some HOPE for your country, and only HATRED, VIOLENCE, AND BLIND DISGUST for the sadistic and PROBABLY RACIST error to society, He-Man.

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2 responses

8 08 2007
K Hamner

This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read.

9 08 2007
Find He-Man

Please remember that Mr. Gould’s opinions do not reflect those of the FindHeMan.com staff. We understand your infuriating reaction and urge you to submit editorials of your own to FindHeMan@Gmail.com

-FHM Staff

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