He-Man Rests After Intense Demon Battle

17 08 2007


In a shocking and supernatural encounter, He-Man was photographed walking through Union Square after an epic battle with the Japanese Mythological Demon, Kagutsuchi.


An artist’s rendering of Kagutsuchi

Kagutsuchi was focusing on the area upon earth’s surface with the most concentrated level of Strength Chi, which was where He-Man was. He-Man was entertaining British orphan children at the New York British Orphanage’s playground by juggling convicted terrorists, when Kagutsuchi zoomed down on his cloud-trapeze and directed his iron trident towards He-Man and screamed, “I seek your Chi! Prepare to defend yourself!” He-Man smiled complacently and rolled his eyes. “Kagutsuchi, there has not been an entity which has caused the slightest damage to my powerful form,” He-Man mumbled, drinking a Snapple he swiped from a nearby hotdog stand.


This is the hotdog stand in which He-Man stole a Snapple.

“Being a supernatural creature, you are my first real challenge. If a battle you desire, so be it!” At this utterance, He-Man gathered his energy and began glowing bright gold. Immediately, He-Man and Kagutsuchi rose into the sky. Kagutsuchi raised his trident and shot towards He-Man. He-Man remained still and the trident caused many sparks upon He-Man’s metallic skin, but did not puncture it in the least. He-Man smiled and shot out powerful heat rays from his eyes. Kagutsuchi was sectioned into two and fell to the ground. The British Orphans gathered around the remains of the Demon and brought them to their chef, who was able to feed the Orphans for a whole week.


The Orphans, now fully fed.

When the director of the orphanage approached He-Man to offer his gratitude and compensation, He-Man held out his index finger and said, “Hush now. I need nothing. I have found satisfaction enough in keeping the Orphans’ bellies at bay.” He-Man then placed a gentle kiss upon the director’s forehead and strutted away through Union Square.


Enjoying a Victory Snapple.




3 responses

18 08 2007
Tommy Piscatelli

this guy is a peice of shit to the tenth degree… what the fuck is he deal? I see him all over the city and when im trying to rent a client somewhere, telling them the neighborhood is safe, this fuckin freak trash shows up..it’s happened to me 3 times… anyone wanna go in on a contract to get him clipped?

20 08 2007

clipped? like neutered? hmmm, its an idea. i’d hate to see an infestation of this broad-shouldered behemoth.

5 06 2008

You’re both crazy and specist. The last thing New York needs is more power-suited dickheads. He needs to produce progeny so his race can overrun the world again.

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