He-Man, Enraged Sues Movie Studio for Likeness Rights Infringement.

24 08 2007

In the latest issue of the Daily Variety, it was announced that a film, based on the 1980’s animated series “He Man,” will go into production this fall. It appears that the makers of this film have done their lower Manhattan research, concentrating their efforts on a certain bare-chested hero. But, they did so not without facing his inevitable wrath.


Depiction of the fictional He-Man.

In a recent court case He-man took his revenge on the creators of the film for the illegal, derivative use of his likeness, leaving in his wake an ocean of blood and flesh, and a trail of money and of tears.

He-Man successfully sued the major movie studio for likeness rights from both the series and the movie, stating “I assure you, that’s me. They changed the hair color to try and cover it up, but the stature and the face are clearly my own. Not to mention they directly copied my war belt. It’s in my closet if you want to see.”

He-Man refused representation by the state, which is offered by the court to victims of media-related crimes such as this, and proceeded to prosecute the studio by himself. While He-Man has no formal degree or document proving his credentials, he floated across the courtroom with soft-shoe finesse, using his monumental rhetoric and astonishing (and quite deadly) physique, much like a modern day, shirtless Gene Kelly, if he were also a lawyer.

Though he inadvertently killed three of the twelve jurors by raising his voice to a super-sonic level on one occasion during the trial, the half-naked deity left victorious, exiting the courthouse with the complete film stock of the He-Man movie in one hand and a large cardboard check in the other.

“It was only a matter of time until this issue was addressed. Just be thankful that a lawsuit was the only thing that came of this,” said Howard Webster III, He-Man’s financial adviser and personal accountant. “If He hadn’t restrained himself I could have been giving this interview in the infinite blazing inferno of the eternal void, promised by the imminent destruction of life as we know it, by the only known force powerful enough to do so. Thank your lucky stars that you can still walk with both legs, and that your daughter can someday go to private college.”


He-Man and financial adviser, Howard Webster III, shortly after the victory.

Matthew Modine, a representative of the studio, defended the use of He-Man’s likeness if the film claiming that the use of the images were “purely transformative. Any likeness used was employed to create a fictional character and communicate a message. Does that message relate to He-Man directly? No.” Mr. Modine gave FHM reporters this statement, shortly after the court was adjourned upon the awarding of damages to He-Man. Immediately following the statement, Mr. Modine was violently snatched from the court house steps by what appeared to be a griffin wearing a helmet of fire. The flying behemoth held two live children in its jaws as it ripped Modine from the ground with its stainless steel talons. Investigations have begun on the basis of suspicions that the demon bird was a conspirator, in cahoots with He-Man himself. We will keep you updated as details comes through our office.




One response

24 08 2007

my daughter can go to private school! woo hoo! ah ha.

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