EXCLUSIVE RARITY: He-Man Masks His Chest

17 09 2007

Recently, FindHeMan.com reader Jeremiah spotted an unexpectedly clad He-man in the middle of an early autumn Port Authority promenade. After a couple back alley interviews with anonymous sources and extensive overnight research, we have discovered that He-man is in the throes of a competition with a He-foe to see who can keep a shirt on longer.
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Attempting to Exist in Imprisoning Garments

The He-foe, identified as Thad Nguyen, the intergalactic menace with a penchant for fast women and nuclear weaponry, was unavailable for comment.

The competition has tried He-Man’s strength and spirits. Owing to a crippling allergy to farmer’s tans, He has not worn a shirt since he was a He-Lad. Earwitnesses have reported ultrasonic bellows of pain as He-Man’s immune system attempts to fight the parasitic shirt. He-Man was also spotted writhing in pain outside Pinkberry, crying “must…wear…shirt…”

Speculations are circulating in scholarly circles that the effect of the trespassing tee will be cocoon-like. They believe that after defeating his opponent, He-man will burst forth from his 92% cotton, 6% rayon, and 2% spandex cocoon with 17 previously undiscovered bicep muscles and a pair of fleece-lined pterodactyl wings.

He-man’s concealment of his signature torso led many followers to question their faith in God, Physics, and NBC’s Thursday night line-up. Said Fran Davis, a 46 year old flea market vendor, “The Office is getting too wishy-washy, and I thought My Name is Earl was a solid premise, but after seeing He-Man wearing clothes like a normal person, well who the hell knows anymore?”

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Loses it’s “edge” the more He-Man suits up

The post-victory unveiling of He-man’s torso is expected to be a star-studded affair.

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He-man, grimacing with pain, calls schoolyard pal Odin for some moral support.

Check out Jeremiah’s blog, Vanishing New York

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One response

17 09 2007
Earlphan420

Yo, there’s no way it was him who caused the downfall of My Name is Earl, that show jumped the shark back in ’05 when the trustiez and custiez went on tour.

My Name is Earl ’07 = BUNK MOLLY

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