INJUSTICE: Government Traps He-Man in Force Field

6 11 2007

With He-Man out of the public’s eye for a few weeks, we at FHM assumed He was on His regular October retreat to Malaysia. However, we were shocked to find in our mail box this morning a much more horrifying reality: He-Man is being trapped against His will.

How could anyone possibly keep this awe-inspiring specimen in any place under duress, you ask? Invisible Force Field Technology.

.hemanencaged.jpg

He-Man struggles to escape the see-through prison.

Apparently the United States government has been developing their Invisi-Field technology ever since WW2. As you can see, the force field is kept in place by a series of magnetic bars.

As we conducted more research on this tragic phenomenon, we found that the bars emit several billion electrons of Anti-He radiation, which is non-threatening to humans between the ages of 0 and 2,423. This is why anyone but He-Man can walk in and out as they please. Apparently heavily guarded soldiers constructed the weapon around He-Man at 3:30 pm last Tuesday, while he was taking a short nap in front of Hidden City Cafe. Outright brutality against He-Man hasn’t happened like this since the Tank Ramming of ’87, leaving hundreds of soldiers dead and thirteen destroyed tanks.

Governer Eliot Spitzer has even gone so far to label He-Man a “terrorist threat”.

“People say (He-Man)’s all about the good fight, well just last month he threw a shoplifter on top of the Empire State Building, causing the spike to decapitate the poor man. Come to find out, He was a veteran.”

spitz.jpg

The Governor, giving the OK to trap He-Man.

We implore you, the followers and friends of He-Man to write your Congressperson, pressuring them to lift this inhumane cage off a wonderful creature and let him roam free throughout our parks and subway stations.

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