He-Man Haggles Man Into Oblivion

23 02 2008

He-Man was seen in rare form last night: shopping on St. Mark’s place, where all the best bargains can be found on the hottest, custom-made New York “grabs”.


Poor quality picture, high quality goods.

Apparently this picture was taken seconds after leaving “WearYOTear”, a small store devoted to selling scarves and vintage hats, owned by a Mr. Roberto Caldwell.

He-Man threw ten assorted bandannas on the counter and looked at Mr. Caldwell. A customer transcribed the following interaction from memory:

HE-MAN: I want these.

ROBERTO CALDWELL: Those scarves? Those are nice scarves. Three dollars each.

He-Man then “slapped” Roberto with the mere force of his hand flying by his face, failing to make any true contact. This was He-Man’s way of saying, “Three bucks? Surely you can go lower.”

Mr. Caldwell wiped a line of blood off his chin;

ROBERTO CALDWELL: These bandannas? They come from Tuscany. I lose money if I sell them less than $3.

He-Man responded by grabbing Roberto’s glasses and crushing them into a tiny powder in his very hands. He then threw the powder into Roberto’s eyes, blinding him. This, we can only assume, is the equivalent of a normal bargain-hunter saying “$2 or I’m walking!”

But Caldwell stood his ground.

ROBERTO CALDWELL: (Swatting the air blindly) No! These were made by human hands in the finest of conditions! I couldn’t possibly! $3 or nothing!

He-Man was furious. What would be translated into complaining by a normal human being, He-Man smashed the glass counter with Roberto’s face, and then wrote “TERROR BY IGNORANCE” with Mr. Caldwell’s bloody head on the wall of the store. After that, He dropped Roberto to the ground, barely conscious. “Ok,” He-Man muttered in defeat. “You run a tough bargain.” He then purchased the bandannas from Roberto’s assistant, Gary, who silently completed the transaction.

So if you see He-Man sporting some new bloody bandannas, you know the full story.

If YOU have any He-Man sightings, send them to FindHeMan@Gmail.com



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