He-Man Demonstrates Traffic Safety

23 04 2008

In an unexpected event, He-Man took to the streets yesterday and demonstrated the importance of traffic and safety laws.

“I’ve always thought that you teach by doing,” He told Bruce Collins, a reporter for “City Limits”, New York’s #1 blog on safety. “When I was a He-Boy, no one told me that you shouldn’t stare directly at the sun. Now I know that my mercury brain fumes may melt it and destroy the earth. Thank God that never happened.”

He-Man’s demonstration began on 23rd st and Park Ave, where He safely waited before walking across the street.

Sharing the importance of safety.

“You need to stay here until the orange hand goes away,” He instructed a crowd. “Otherwise vehicles will force impact and destroy you.” He then displayed the consequences of getting hit by a car and walked into moving traffic. However, with the body of a marble god and the strength of ten, the oncoming cab was immediately turned into a hot yellow liquid and washed over Him in the glistening sun. He-Man shrugged and encouraged the onlookers to bottle the liquid as souvenirs.

After his traffic lesson, He taught the crowd of New York tourists about protecting themselves in dangerous neighborhoods.

“Let’s say, hypothetically, you are being mugged. But not so fast: you’re exhausted so you can’t implode him with your high-frequency hiss and it’s too dark to blast him with your laser retinas. What do you do then?” A confused crowd stayed silent. He laughed and continued, “I know it’s tricky, but you need to be prepared for these situations. What you should do is grab his weapon, swallow it, and use your remaining strength to head butt him through his circulatory system. It’s a little advanced, but easy with some practice.” He then demonstrated on Bruce Collins, reporter for “City Limits”. His funeral will be held next Tuesday at St. Vartan’s Cathedral.

The safety tour ended at PinkBerry, where He-Man pressured the management to reward everyone in his group a free medium Pinkberry.

Sweet rewards for safe living.

“I just love Pinkberry,” He said with an increasing smile. He then suggested that everyone should be “Pink-wary” of the calorie content in each serving. After being met with a lukewarm response to his joke, He demonstrated the circulatory head-butt once again to each member of the crowd. Their joint funerals will be held next Wednesday at St. Michael’s Cathedral on 11th and Park ave.




One response

1 05 2008

Funny stuff. I literally spewed coffee on my monitor.

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