Presidential Hopefuls Ask For He-Man’s Support

3 05 2008

by Todd Kuhl, FindHeMan’s Political Analyst

It is clear that the race for the Democratic nominee will come down the wire. Each of the candidates is doing their best to build support going into the Democratic National Convention in August. No matter what though, it looks to be a bitter and devise battle in Denver. The media has been a buzz with this issue of “super-delegates,” and how they will decide this nomination, but what about the lesser known and strategically more important “Super-Super-Delegate”? Also known to people around the world, as He-man.

His single voice can sway the mood of the entire party. And it seems, in the last week, that Hillary and Barack are finally realizing who they need to kiss up to. Even McCain is attempting to pull He-man to his side of the fence.

“I haven’t decided one way or the other,” says He-Man, when I caught up with Him on the lower east side, where He was ripping down cell-phone towers, “Even though I tend to vote Democratic, like all He-men have in the past, I’ve got my ears open to each of the candidates.”

Barack responded quickly after hearing this, promising to, “cut pollution and provide tax breaks for middle class families, both normal and He-families.”

Hillary also responded, urging He-Man to, “help her build a bridge to the 22nd century with His He-wisdom and He-vision.”

And, in a misguided effort, John McCain offered, “His first born son, and a pile of gold,” if He-Man would denounce the democrats and join in His victory.

“You know he’s probably just saying that,” said He-Man on McCain. “I’d like to actually see him deliver on inauguration day and send me that first born son. But he won’t.” He laughed and added, “Politics.”

No matter whom He-Man finally endorses, it is clear that His concerns lie in His community. “I want to end homelessness and get subsidized public housing built on the tops of mountains, so that my people can have their place in this great society,” said He-Man.

An indecisive He-Man grumbled to himself, “I’m staying in this election season.” His enormous hand scratched his silken locks. “None of them support any of my policies, such as more laws promoting public shirtlessness.” He shook His head. “And the last president that waged war against Odin was Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and he was beaten so badly, he lost use of his legs.”

I guess we’ll just have to see what He does this election season.

Todd Kuhl is the senior political analyst at the New York based McCarthy Think Tank. He was also former senior political analyst of CNBC.

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