STRIKE REPORT: He-Man’s Muscles May Be Giving In

26 08 2008

It was reported several weeks ago that He-Man’s muscles were on strike for more public respect. We’ve just gotten word that His muscles just might be ready to come out once again.

The talks were conducted at a local Pinkberry between He-Man’s lawyer and his left bicep, the leader of the muscle union. He-Man did not interfere and ate a medium three topping Pinkberry.

Like this, but with two more toppings.

Apparently his lawyer, Anderson Buckley, made a deal with the muscles. Here are the major points:

A) Every other day, (HE-MAN) will oil His abs and torso for at least three hours.

B) (HE-MAN) will cut down on opening soda bottles with His pecs to impress girls.

C) He-Man’s muscles will not longer be forced into constant groping by females without their written consent.

D) In lieu of this, His muscles will come out fully three days a week, and partially for four.

We caught He-Man on one of his “partial muscle” days last week:

Hopefully this works out for both parties. This strike showed America just how important His muscles are.

He-Man Carries Several Galaxies In Summer Bag

19 08 2008

He-Man was recently spotted by hunter “Clark” on Park Avenue and 18th street walking towards Union Square. He was carrying a light, casual bag that any normal person would throw in some clothes for the beach and call it a day.

Casual and soft.

However, He-Man was using it to carry several galaxies that He is currently holding onto for a friend.

“Yeah, these bags are surprisingly large on the inside,” He was heard raving to a friend. “The man at Target liked me, so he gave it to me at the discounted price, even though the sale ended yesterday.”

According to Clark, it seemed He-Man was carrying galaxies Neptracheous, ∞, and Drekton, along with a bottle of suntan lotion and a $5 Subway Footlong.

“It’s really made it a lot easier to carry along all my galaxies, and I usually just wrap each one in a towel so they don’t get scratched or nothin’,” He also was heard saying. “That way you can save space by keeping your galaxies safe and having a towel to dry off after taking a dip.”

He-Man’s muscles still appear to be on strike as well. Apparently they have expressed interest in talks but are being quite stubborn. More on that soon.

If YOU have any He-Man sightings, send them to