BREAKING NEWS: He-Man Does Something Amazing Right…Behind That Blonde Lady

20 12 2008

In a miraculous and possibly earth-shattering move, He-Man today committed an act of bravery and courage…right behind that woman who is grabbing her knee for some reason.


Look at the-hey, get out of the way.

Bystanders were heard saying “Wow!”, “I can’t believe He’s doing that!”, and “Ohmygosh!”, leading us no insight to what exactly was going on except that it was simply amazing.

We did, however, come to find out that this woman’s name is Sheila and that they just left an Outback Steakhouse. They also don’t respond to the universal hand signal for “get out of the way, I’m trying to take a picture”.

At the end of whatever it was He did, He bowed and said, “Thank you everyone for watching me do that thing that you will never see me do again. Hopefully you have captured it clearly in your mind or with a device that preserves unobstructed images.”

And then He destroyed Sheila for eating innocent animals at Outback.

If YOU have a He-Man sighting, send it to Also for the best prices on high quality meat with a party atmosphere, head on over to


5 12 2008

He-Man was spotted this afternoon exiting an Amalgamated Bank on 23rd st. and 3rd ave today. Apparently He was applying for an SBA Microloan for His startup business.


With a plastic bag, possibly filled with a loan.

While His business severely underapps, sources around He-Man at the time of the meeting said it sounded like He was starting a small burrito restaurant, “kind of like Chipotle.” The terrified banker had no choice but to grant He-Man the loan, even though He had no sound business plan or long term goals.

“What about your two year fiscal projections?” The banker was overheard asking He-Man. To this inquiry He-Man hastilly put together a burrito with items from His pockets. After takingĀ  5 minutes to make an unhealthy, unsanitary burrito, He-Man crossed his arms and replied braggingly, “All of my projections lead to zest.”

He-Man’s brand new burrito chain will open next spring in the west village. He is currently working on an enchillada that can cure blindness. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

If YOU have any He-Man sightings or photographs, email them to