EXCLUSIVE STYLE TRAVESTY REPORT: American Apparel Snubs He-Man

30 04 2009

Today He-Man was spotted around NYU territory checking out summer fashions at American Apparel.

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Without much experience shopping there, He wandered in because of his famous vows to purchase anything with “America” in the title. He currently owns every “America” the band vinyl, frequents theme park “Six Flags: America” and even bought a Kid Rock “American Badass” t-shirt, but later returned it because of the profanity.

He chose a few items of clothing and later tried them on. He left the dressing room with his head held low, seemingly ashamed. It appeared as though American Apparel’s high expectations for men and women’s bodies left him feeling self conscious about his muscle mass and 14-inch neck.

Accusations have been made to the designers of the store’s clothes about how the sizes are unrealistic for real people to fit in, especially those with giant, alien-like features.

He-Man was overheard complaining to a friend while leaving:

“I mean, you see those sexy models on the back of The Onion, and it makes you want to be sexy too. I just want to wear some leotards and long socks. Oh well.”

He then went to Pinkberry and ate his heart out.

I guess now we all know why he rarely ever wears a shirt.

If YOU have a He-Man sighting, send it along to FindHeMan@Gmail.com