Sighting Reveals a Potential Source for He-Man’s Seemingly Endless Energy Supply

Another He-Man Investigative Report
He-man was seen yet again, roaming the streets of the Lower East Side, late last Tuesday evening. He was not visible at first, but there were reports of sonic booms heard, followed by waves rippling the macadam on Broadway – sure signs that He-man was but a few miles away. He appeared in the park seconds later, and after slowing himself to a moderate street-patroling speed, the waves came to a peak at the intersection to the west of Madison Square Park, forming a large wall of rock which knocked over fruit stand and an apartment building.

Apartment building, seconds before it was destroyed by He-Man.

He-man quickly rebuilt the structure and distributed the fruit generously, before anyone had seen what had happened. Sources say, however, that there are still several people missing after the incident, among which are the proprietor of the fruit stand and the alleged, corrupt City Councilman Brant Scwartz, who was under investigation for child molestation, embezzlement and worshipping false idols. Few have speculated that this minor occurance was yet another righteous act of justice, carried out by our secretive and overwhelmingly masculine protector. Many, however, refrain from making any statement, fearing He-Man’s unpredictable and vengeful wrath.

Soon after securing the area inside and around the park, and seducing a gaggle of nuns at the Shake Shack, He-man headed south on 23rd st. Findheman.com reporters followed the bare-chested hero four blocks before he was seen entering this delicatessen.

This is the delicatessen.

Most patrons fled after the floor began breaking benath them as He-man walked through the threshold. Reports say three of the fleeting patrons were blinded by the reflective surface of his pectorals, but one unfortunate customer, Darryl Brown, 47, experienced spontaneous heart combustion as a result of the the dramatic increase of iron and plutonium levels in the air, due to He-Man’s unexpected presence.

He-Man approached the counter and began placing his order. Surprisingly, the owner and counter staff remained calm and collected as they collaborated to fill his request, leading this blogger to deduce that He-man is a regular customer of this deli. Before leaving, he swallowed what appeared to be a side of raw venison and a gallon of whole milk. As he exited the store, he was seen with a drink cup containing a 1/2 lb. of unground Columbian coffee beans, 1/8 oz. of Peruvian cocaine, and a shot of pure panther adrenaline.

Extremely Rare Photograph

Sources say He-Man is able to consume the unground beans and raw meat by evisserating them, with the venom under his tongue and the rows of razor-sharp teeth that line this esophogus. Is this a mere snack for He-Man or could this be the secret source to his incalculable energy, used to haul his massive, muscle-torn body around the avenues of lower Manhattan? One may never know…One thing reporter knows, however, is that He-Man’s neck never swelled so majestically, and the vein on the side of his head never bulged with so much pumping-beauty. Until next time, He-Man….